


We Will Not Be Hungry Forever

by echospool



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Femslash, Fencing, Murder, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:47:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22604953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echospool/pseuds/echospool
Summary: After leaving Dorian, Lily searches for new meaning in life and stumbles upon a certain redheaded fencer. Eventual relationship.
Relationships: Brona Croft | Lily Frankenstein/Catriona Hartdegen
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

After leaving Dorian, Lily had no idea what to do with herself. If she couldn't even trust the only immortal she'd ever had a connection with, then surely she could trust no one. She stared down the barrel of eternity alone, and while she would never go back to Dorian after the way he betrayed her, the prospect of a long and lonely future tightened her chest almost as much as that first corset that Victor had foisted upon her in that dark and dingy apartment.

She wanted to maim something. She wanted to taste blood in her mouth and feel the sweet release of a man's last raggedy breath with her fingers clenched around his neck. More than anything, she wanted her Justine back. It crossed her mind briefly to take her corpse to Victor and beg him to remake her, but she remembered the reek of desperation on John Clare, and how his begging had led to her own sorry existence. She could not do that to someone, not even someone she'd loved. So in the absence of her first real acolyte and lover, she sought out violence to fill the void.

During that strange, endless night many men found their end in her bed, but it was less satisfying to keep running the same game over and over again. Less satisfying still that the fog that was choking London seemed to be doing her work for her, and fewer men ventured out as the plague wore on, even with all of the sweet enticements she had to offer.

Now that the sun had come back and London was finally recovering from the strange pestilence that plagued it, things were starting to return to normal. Socially acceptable violence was one of those first things to return, and Lily found herself observing fencing matches almost daily. She was drawn to the elegance of it, and while the brutality of crushing men between her hands had its place, she wanted to embody the grace she saw from the men in these bouts. Of course, when she asked another woman in the assembled audience where she might take up such a skill, the woman merely laughed. This, like so many other worthwhile pursuits, was deemed not for her due to the misfortune of her sex.

She thought of the whores she had collected, had elevated to something more, at Dorian's house, and smiled bitterly when she remembered how quickly they'd left her. How little provocation it took for them to abandon her, their cause, and their freedom. It was possible that it was not men who were the problem, but people. Their physical frailty made them fickle. The fact of their mortality meant that nearly all of them would abandon their ideals just for the chance to live another day. And those who were steadfast and true, like her Justine, were easily disposed of. She saw now how fragile her grand vision had been from the start, and she hated Dorian all the more for being the one to reveal that truth to her.

The fencing, however, transported her beyond her maudlin memories. Despite her inquiries for instruction being constantly rebuffed, she showed up day after day. This would be her eighth consecutive day of spectatorship, and she drank in the spectacle with a hunger that only grew as she was again and again denied access to the sport.

Today there was a new contender on the field. He was slighter than his other opponents, and did not take off his helmet, and launched into a frenzy of thrusts and lunges from the outset of the bout, throwing his larger and more seasoned opponent off his balance from the start. Lily found herself leaning in, hovering almost over the rope that separated out the audience from the match for their safety. The other combatants were all propriety and grace, almost stiff, but this new man was like a tongue of flame, lashing out brilliantly with a savage beauty and passion she had not seen to date. She knew that this was the man who would teach her. She would make it happen if she had to burn through everyone he loved to get him to acquiesce.

The smaller man bested his opponent, knocking the foil from his hand, toppling him, and pinning him in an uncomfortable position on the floor in a series of decidedly illegal but effective attacks. He then stepped back, and whipped the helmet off his head to reveal a cascade of red hair and Lily's breath stopped. The woman was beautiful, breathing hard and flushed from the exertion. She shook her hair out of her face and dropped her foil next to her opponent before stalking out of the room without a word.

"Hey!" the man called after her, although she didn't turn around to acknowledge him. "You cheated! I demand an honest rematch!"

But the mysterious woman turned the corner and was gone. Lily extricated herself from the crowd to go after her, but when she rounded the corner there was no trace of the mysterious woman left to follow.


	2. Chapter 2

Lily continued to attend the fencing club, now with a renewed sense of purpose. She'd asked around about the mysterious woman entrant, but the participants refused to talk about her to Lily. They refused to talk to Lily about much of anything after her insistence on finding an instructor, but as of yet no one had tried to remove her from the premises and she supposed that they would tell her to count herself lucky for that. If there's one thing she'd learned it was that men would always expect her to be grateful for their unwanted intercessions on behalf of her virtue and dignity. Such as it was. Nevertheless, she kept up her search, and after five days with no sign of the woman fencer, she returned to the club. She wanted to offer her previous sparring partner an opportunity for the honest rematch he'd insisted upon so fervently before, but now a pair of burly men was blocking her entrance.

"One would think after all the fuss that Ernest would welcome the opportunity to vindicate himself," Lily heard the woman say as she approached. "Surely he will beat me handily if I pledge myself to fight fair."

"And what's to stop you from fighting dirty like always?" The taller of the men snarled at her, and the woman stepped back, and grimaced as she wiped a bit of his spittle off her cheek.

"So I suppose my word is insufficient?" she said, wiping the back of her hand against the leg of her pants.

"We could come around to believing you if you were to show us a token of good faith," said the shorter of the two men, clearly the brains of the operation. "If you apologize very sweetly to Mr. Clarke he might allow you that rematch."

" _Allow_ me a rematch?" the woman scoffed in disbelief. "I thought you all wanted a good show here for the audience. I'm not going to apologize for providing that. And winning, I might add. I rather thought the winning was the point."

At this point Lily cleared her throat and stepped in. "Gentlemen, as a regular spectator at this club I would like to see her compete again."

The taller man rolled his eyes at her, but the shorter one stepped back and glanced her up and down, considering her. "You're the bad penny that keeps turning up and begging for lessons," he said, and Lily's jaw clenched. She could destroy this man right here and there was not a single person in the athletic hall who could stop her, but she held herself back. "Why are we giving either of you the time of day?"

Lily smiled tightly for a moment before fluttering her eyelids and peering up at him from below her lashes. "I'm very certain if you let her compete I could make it worth your while," she said, letting a little of her brogue slip through. The woman beside her snorted, and she'd almost forgotten that she'd been standing right there. The man, however blushed a deep red and sputtered in indignation, unable to articulate a response.

The shorter man sneered, but seemed to want to avoid a scene, and whispered, "Just this once, but if you try any of that funny business again, we'll make sure to give a pretty little girl like you something to cry about." He grabbed his compatriot by the arm and dragged him away, letting the slight woman into the room.

"Well," said the woman, "that's the first time I've ever had someone else proposition a guard to let me into a fight. What's your name?"

"Lily Frankenstein," said Lily, holding out her hand to the shorter woman. 

The woman's eyebrows rose slightly at the name, but she took Lily's hand all the same. "Catriona Hartdegen, but everyone calls me Cat. I've got to run and get changed, but meet me for tea after the match?"

Lily smiled broadly, and more sincerely than she had in weeks. "I cannot wait," she replied, and watched Cat retreat down the hall to prepare for the bout.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, Lily," said Cat as they sat down in a cute little pastry shop down the way from the athletic club. "That's a lovely name. Lilies are every thanatologist's favorite flower, you know?"

"I used to have another name, once," Lily said, surprising herself. Something about Cat put her immediately at ease. She found she liked these comfortable conversations and didn't mind that Cat had lowered her defenses. She knew, after Dorian, that she ought to be wary of this, but she was starved for companionship and wanted to let this woman in. "Lily was a name given to me by a man when I was utterly helpless."

Cat looked at Lily for a long moment and sipped her coffee. Not tea, Lily noted. "If that's the case, why do you still call yourself Lily? Why not go back to the name you had before?"

Lily smiled tightly for a moment, staring into her teacup and trying to collect her thoughts. "The woman I was before is dead." Of course, Lily meant this literally, but it wasn't something that she could reveal to Cat. "Going back to that name would feel like a lie. I'd be denying everything that happened afterwards. I guess Lily simply fits."

"Well," Cat said in between sips of her coffee, "I guess I should say I'm sorry for your loss. Although I can't say I'm sorry that you're here now, and that I get to meet you. It's not every day a woman leaps to my defense to let me trounce Mr. Clarke or his ilk again."

"I do have an ulterior motive, I confess," Lily said, smiling into her napkin as she dabbed at her mouth. "I've been looking for someone to teach me to do what you do."

"I presume you mean fencing, and not thanatology then?"

"I'm not quite sure I know what thanatology is, but yes. I want to learn how to sword fight. I find myself quite captivated by it."

Without warning, Cat tossed her coffee spoon at Lily's face, and Lily's hand shot up to catch it without even thinking. Lily looked at it in shock for a moment before gingerly setting the spoon back down on the table. Cat smirked and said, "It seems that you have the reflexes for it. But you should know that I will not go easy on you just because you are a woman. If you want to learn from me, you're going to have to put everything you are into the doing it properly. Are you sure you're equal to the task?"

"I've never wanted anything more in my life," Lily said. Although it was a silly statement, and was overblown, she truly felt it in the moment. She wanted to spend time in the company of this beautiful, mysterious, pants-wearing woman more than anything she could recall wanting since she awoke, stripped of her identity, in Victor's laboratory.

Cat drew a folded piece of paper from her pocket and slid it across the table to Lily. "You'll meet me here at dawn tomorrow. I don't tolerate lateness, and you'll be more comfortable if you get yourself some pants. Although if you can't do so by tomorrow that's understandable. As for my fee," she said, and Lily blushed.

"I don't have much in the way of money at the moment, but if you give me some time," she said, trailing off, wondering how many purses and throats she'd have to slit to afford the wild woman's tutelage.

Cat raised a perfect eyebrow at her and smiled. "Oh, don't worry. I think it would be best for us to trade in favors. I have a suspicion that whatever I ask won't be too much of a hardship for you." Cat's eyes raked up and down, pausing significantly on Lily's decolletage. Lily smiled faintly, and drew her hand up to her neck. She was torn between affront at Cat's presumption and excitement at the twinge of arousal that Cat's gaze inspired. But she immediately shrugged it off. Cat must be assessing Lily for how she might be used to coerce things from men. Lily had made it clear enough at the athletic club that she was not above it. 

Still, Lily wanted it to be true that this woman might be interested in her. She'd been Dorian's unwitting plaything, and she'd inspired fervor in Justine, a mere girl. Neither of them were her true equal. However, this woman sitting in front of her, absolutely her match - except for her unfortunate case of mortality - inspired in her a naked lust she had not experienced in so long. She couldn't imagine saying no to anything that Cat asked of her this moment, even if it was just to seduce a man for Cat's material benefit. She was eager to see what Cat would make her do.

"I believe that this is an arrangement we can make work," Lily said, and gave her best coquettish smile. Cat absently licked her lip while glancing at Lily's bosom once again before finishing her coffee.

"Excellent. Dawn tomorrow," Cat smiled as they parted outside the patisserie. 

Lily made her way back to her bedsit and wondered how she would last through the next agonizing twelve hours before she would get to be the object of Cat's attention once again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily runs into some trouble on the way to meet Cat for her first fencing lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Canon typical violence in this chapter.

Lily managed to acquire a pair of pants by taking them from a young man who'd had the misfortune of accompanying Lily back to her bedsit that night. She didn't usually like to take the Johns back to her place, and she usually targeted older men, but her average podgy, simpering victim wore clothes much too large for her frame. Her original plan had been just to relieve him of his clothes and belongings and send him on his way, but he raised a hand to her in bed. He left her no choice. That this young man bore a passing resemblance to Dorian was just icing on the cake.

She looked at the corpse in her bed while she fixed her hair for going out. Its face was frozen in eternal shock. The blood vessels in its eyes burst about halfway through the strangling. It was a perfect portrait of surprised horror. After she finished up her coiffure, she gently stroked its cheek with the back of her hand, and tucked a stray lock of hair behind its ear. If only she could enact such punishment upon Dorian.

She was unable to sleep next to the corpse, and did not feel like dealing with it just yet. So she headed to the address Cat gave her well before their appointed meeting time at dawn. The address belonged to a warehouse, and the surrounding buildings were primarily industrial. A thick coat of grime covered everything. She wondered why Cat had chosen a place like this. She was, of course, not worried for herself, but Cat did not seem like the kind of woman who frequented places like this.

A couple blocks away from her destination Lily heard someone following her. She slowed her gait, and the footsteps from her follower slowed as well. There was no one there when she glanced back over her shoulder, but Lily knew that meant next to nothing. The eerie fog from weeks before had taught all of London that more things hid in the shadows than any of them realized.

She stopped in the middle of the street and turned around, making no secret of the fact that she'd heard her pursuer. She spread her arms wide and said, "You can come out. I won't run."

Nothing happened for a few moments, and then she heard a hiss and shadows flickered at the edge of her vision. She spun around and elbowed her would-be assailant in the throat before she could even see what he looked like, and stumbled back in horror as she realized that she'd assaulted a child. He was pale, his hair matted in clumps, and the bags beneath his eyes were so long and red they almost looked like rashes on his face. Her had flew to her mouth and she started to apologize, but the boy bared his teeth at her and lunged again, aiming for her throat. Again, out of reflex, she lashed out at him. She'd never hurt a child before, but then again, she'd never seen a child like this. His teeth made purchase in her forearm as she slammed into him, sending them both to the ground. He took a large chunk out of her arm and the blood dripped from his mouth as he started howling with laughter. Enraged, she started pummeling his face, and blood from his nose and eyes began to mix with hers as as she made a mush out of the delicate features of his face. At first he struggled weakly against her, laughing all the while, but soon he gave up. The laughter only ceased when his face was beyond recognition and his breaths came through in a strained gurgle. She was breathing hard, but she got up and stumbled back from the boy, staring numbly at the carnage she'd created before the bite on her forearm started to throb and she registered that she was still bleeding.

She checked the pockets of her stolen pants for a handkerchief or anything else she could use to wrap the bite and staunch the flow, but she came up empty. There were apparently no witnesses in the alley, or at least none that dared to come forward, so she pressed on the arm and stumbled in the direction of the warehouse Catriona had directed her to. She made it to the door and realized that it was still maybe an hour before dawn, and Cat probably wasn't there yet. She took in a shaky breath, and sat down against the wall of the warehouse, closing her eyes for just a second.

"It seems you don't need my help because you want to learn self defense," a voice said above Lily, and she opened her eyes. Cat was standing above her, holding out a handkerchief. Lily took it gratefully and wrapped it around the wound, which was already starting to close up. Lily silently gave thanks that she was able to cover it before Cat noticed her healing unnaturally well. Then her brain caught up to what Cat said, and she realized that Cat must have watched her beat the boy into the ground and her stomach flipped. She had enough guilt over hurting a child, but knowing that Cat had seen her do so made her nauseous.

"I didn't mean to go that far," she said, and it sounded weak to her own ears. Catriona squatted down in front of her and produced another pristine white kerchief - how many did she carry? - and wiped a spray of blood from Lily's cheek.

"That boy was more than he seemed. Come on, let's get you inside and cleaned off," Cat said, extending a hand to help Lily up. Lily accepted, and was surprised by the force with which Cat hauled her up. She found herself off balance when she stood, and stumbled forward a step directly into Cat. Cat gently grabbed her shoulders to steady her, and didn't let go until she was sure that Lily was stable. Lily thought that perhaps she hung on for a beat longer than was strictly necessary, and suppressed a smile. 

Lily stepped back a few paces, to assure both Catriona and herself that she was fine. When she didn't immediately wobble or collapse, Cat turned to the warehouse and walked inside. She expected Cat to pull out a key to unlock the door, but it was apparently already unlocked. Lily had assumed that Cat owned the place, or at least was somehow affiliated with the building's owner. Now she wondered if they were trespassing. Not that Lily minded, of course, but Cat had seemed so well bred and good mannered, if eccentric. It hadn't occurred to her that this meeting might be somewhat illicit, although she supposed it probably should have. A woman didn't frequent athletic clubs as a combatant by habitually obeying rules and observing social mores.

Catriona lit a gas lamp, dimly illuminating the front part of the warehouse that they were standing in. There were plenty of windows in the slanted roof and along the east wall. Lily could see why Cat wanted to meet here at dawn. Cat approached her and gently grabbed Lily's injured arm. "Let's take a look, shall we?"

Lily yanked her arm back and cradled it protectively against her chest. "Please," she said, "don't trouble yourself. It's already starting to feel better."

"Nonsense," Cat said, reaching out again but Lily took a hurried step back, not wanting Catriona to examine her wounded flesh too closely. "You're ice cold and I'm worried about the amount of blood you may have lost."

"I am fine," Lily snarled, startling Cat who took an unconscious step back. Cat's eyes were wide and her lips parted slightly in a silent gasp. Lily realized how she must have looked, a monster in tattered men's clothes, her hair coming apart and falling in her face. She was nearly coated in blood, only some of which was her own. She forced herself to release her cradled arm and adopt a neutral, less feral posture. "I mean to say," she started softly, "that I appreciate your concern, but it's not as bad as it looks. I wouldn't want to trouble you, and I'm more worried about the child I left back there."

Cat stepped forward again, back within Lily's reach, but the set of her shoulders was still tense. "I have seen something like that child before. Your concern is admirable, but misplaced. He'll already be gone by now, headed back to his master."

"His master?" Lily asked.

Cat shook her head, "You're here to learn sword fighting, not Thanatology. If you're as well as you say you are, then we ought to begin."

Lily was surprised at Cat's abrupt change of subject. It seemed odd that she wanted to start their lesson now after she'd been so concerned just moments before. She wondered what Cat was hiding. "What is Thanatology, exactly?" Lily asked.

"It's the study of death," Cat said, not elaborating further. "You'll find your practice sword on the wall over there. When you're feeling well enough, fetch it and we'll begin." 

Lily wanted to press Cat further, but felt she wasn't going to get anywhere. The easy rapport they had cultivated in the daylight was absent here. She supposed she couldn't fault Cat for being wary of her, after witnessing her beat the boy in the street. She should be grateful that Cat was willing to continue with her at all. But she wondered what it would take to regain an effortless manner with the young woman. She sighed, and went to retrieve the practice sword, hoping that she had not scared Cat off for good.


End file.
